How to tell who's gay

Linali had a problem. She had a big problem. Even though she is surrounded by hot smexilisious men, she can't tell if half of them are stright or not. Miranda too, suffers from this lack of insight. But... like all mysteries involving Men, only another man is capable of solving it.  In this case, that man is Kumoi, who can't stand to see his beloved sister comfused. He sets out to cure the strange maldiction of the mind, even though it means selling out the secrets of his gender. He does not care.

"LINALIIIIIIII!!!! I HAVE FOUND THE ANWSER AT LASSST!!!" Kumoi called down the halls, searching for his sister. "uh..... hi brother..." She said, giving him an akward smile, must he yell? poor River must be gonig insane, or deaf at least.  

But Linali was excited none the less, finally she would find out about the bishonen around her.  She noticed that three very familiar exorcists followed her brother. Allen Walker came first, lookngi confused. Then Lavi, staring curiosly at Kumoi but still more than glad to be out of the library. Lastly there was Kanda, looknig pissed as always. "These three with be my assistants! they will serve as proof to my claims!!!" Kumoi exclaimed, pulling a few paper's out of his coat.  He showed the pictures to his younger sister who blushed and gasped. One was a simple picute of her, in a rather extravigant garment of her native country. but that wasnt what caused her reaction. it was the other two photos. Both were altered photos that were incredibly yaoi shots of Allen, Lavi and Kanda.  Kumoi chuckled evilly. "let the fun begin!!" he said, spinning around and facing the bewildered exorcists.

"First, I'll show them this picture." Kumoi said, showing Linali the picture of herself. she too, stared at her brother perplexed, what did this prove?

He walked up to Allen and handed him the picture. Allen looked up and smiled innocently.  "you look very pretty in this picture Linali, I've never seen you in clothes like these before." He said, Linali blushed and thanked him for the compliment.  he then showed the picture to Lavi. two deranged rabbits shot at one another with oversized pistols, Strike! Lavi drooled over the picture. Finally, Kumoi showed the picture to Kanda, who took onbe look at it and glared at Kumoi. "I swear if you brought me in from training just to show me some family photos....I'll Kill you." Kanda said menacingly.  

Kumoi backed up from him and back to Linali's side. "you see, Allen's responce was perfectly in line with that of any stright Mans. Lavi's too. However Kanda's lack of interest only proves that he is either gay, or asexual." Kumoi whispered, if the exorcists(kanda) heard those words, they would've realized what Kumoi was doing and killed him probably.  

"Next I'll show them this!" Kumoi said, showing Linali the Allen x Lavi pic. ~how are they gonna react to that...~ she worried for her brothers well-being.  Apon seeing the picture Allen blushed so hard that blood would be jealous.  "B-B-B-B-BUT I-I N-NEVER-" The boy stuttered, he could not finish his sentence and internally freaked out more.  This peaked Lavi's curiouslity and he waited impaciently for Kumoi to show him the picture. "hm.....I dont remember this...." was his responce. he put a hand to his chin and thought deeply (well for Lavi xD) over the picture. "hm.....i kinda wanna keep that..." Linali looked at him in shock and Allen did an anime fall while gaping at Lavi. "Y-YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!?!?" "I'll give it to you after Lavi!" Kumoi said, and moved on to the last exorcist. ~aw.... I kinda wanted to keep it....~ Kanda stared aty the picture incredulously.  Then he unsheathed Mugen. "Kumoi..you die." Kumoi hid behind his sister.  "Allen's reaction was that of a homophobs, Lavi's was yaoi fan-girlish, and Kanda is either an absolute homophob or he's absolutely jealous." Kumoi said, and he regained his composure and handed the picture to Lavi, before moving back to Allen with the third. Allen's blush got worse, if possible, and he nearly fainted. "W-W-W-HY AM I IN BOTH OF THESE!?!?! I dont have any idea what's gonig on with these pictures...."  Allen got anime waterfalls was gloom consumed him. Once agian, Lavi was curious as to the contents of the picture. He stared at it agast. "WHAT?! no faiiiiiiir this one's better than mine....oh well, I can keep this one too right?" Lavi said, now grinning at the picture, he could'nt wait for Yuu to see it.  The final picture was stuck in Kanda's face. He looked blank for a minute before he ran down the hall. everyone looked dow nthe hall bewildered. "uh..... what was that about........" Linali asked, confused at why Kanda had not killed her brother.  the three quickly followed him down the hall, Kumoi and Linali to see what happened, Allen because he was worried, and Lavi because Kanda had 'accidently' taken the picture with him.

they peeked around the corner and gasped. Kanda was trying to halt a large nosebleed. he was failing and the blood was running threw his fingers.  "Oh dear god..." he mumbled. Linali did also. Lavi cracked up with Kumoi, and poor Allen fainted, he suddenly felt overwelmingly endangered at the Black order's headquarters.  "And that...is how you can tell if a guy is striaght or not without directly asking." Kumoi said, pointing at Kanda. Kanda heard this and looked up. "Kumoi...... I'M GONNA RAVAGE YOU!!!!!" Kanda yelled, pullnig out Mugen and chasing the head officer around the castle